Saturday was zoo day for our family as we trekked about an hour north to Cleveland, Ohio. It has been several years since we’ve visited the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo, so we were all looking forward to some interaction with the creatures awaiting us. My personal favorite animals are the giraffes and the orangutans. About an hour and a half into the visit, my daughter started whining about a blister which had formed on her heel. I think it was my fault because I told her she could wear her crocs, but I later discovered that Leah had instructed her to wear tennis shoes. This drama cut our trip a little short, so we made a quick visit to the rain forest and then headed to the car. I thought the extreme drama had been averted for the day, but I was wrong.
For years I have had bad breathing habits. I’m not a doctor (although I have access to webMD), but I think healthy breathing is supposed to be “in through your nose and out through your mouth,” but I usually breathe exclusively through my mouth. Normally, leaving my mouth hanging open to sustain life does not cause any issues, until Saturday. I was in the midst of taking a deep breath in and all of the sudden I felt some type of flying insect hit the back of my throat. Before the choking started, I thought, “I hope the bug in my mouth did not just fly off of a fresh patty.” After that fleeting thought, I began coughing like a chain-smoker. Of course my wife is like, “What’s wrong?” I could barely make out words, but eventually alerted her to the fact that I had just ingested a character from “A Bug’s Life.” Coughing and gasping for breath, I finally made it to the car and the kids graciously gave me some of their water…I didn’t even care about the backwash and floaties at this point. Thinking that the water had taken care of the problem, I drove away from the zoo and made my way to the highway. I was wrong. The bug must have been fighting for dear life because I started coughing uncontrollably and was close to throwing up – BIG TIME. By this time, my kids were fighting in the backseat of the car and I could not even yell at them. I guess throwing up would have gotten their attention. Expecting some compassion from my wife, I looked over and she was clutching her chest as she mumbled, “You’re making me sick.” Great! I’ve always wondered what “synchronized projectile vomit” looks like.
Eventually, I was able to get everything under control and we made it home, but even though the immediate incident had passed, my throat continued to hurt for the next 24 hours. Oh well, maybe next time I’ll learn to keep my mouth shut. Bugs or not, I need to practice closing my mouth more often.
