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It’s Time to Quit

February 25, 2012 in Funny Stories, True Stories, Weakness with 0 Comments

Toward the end of the work day my wife, Leah, called and said that the garage door was not functioning properly.  She went on to describe that the opener was making weird noises when she pressed the button inside the garage, which if you know me, means nothing.  I should not be a homeowner.  I know nothing about fixing anything and I have well documented my stupidity many times on this blog…I digress.  When I arrived home later that evening I discovered that the chain that pulls the garage up and down had come off track.  Simple fix, right?  Wrong.  For the next 90 minutes, Leah and I attempted to get that thing working.  I did what I knew how to do and even read the instructions that came with the garage door opener (go figure), but nothing worked.  I was at an absolute loss, not to mention I was frustrated, very frustrated.  My frustration finally led me to quit trying to fix the garage door.  I was out of ideas and without any other known options.

Fixing a garage door is trivial compared to many other situations we face in life that leave us “out of ideas and without any other known options.”  During these times we quit trying.  As Christians there are times where we need to quit trying. Before you jump to conclusions about quitting, I’m not referring to the type of quitting where we lose hope, but the type of quitting that leads you to a greater dependence on God.  There is a difference.  Hopeless quitting causes me to abandon everything, including God’s help.  Dependent quitting causes me to stop trying to fix things on my own and trust God for the outcome.

By the way, our garage door opener finally got fixed when I turned it over to someone who knew what they were doing.  Maybe it is time for you to do the same.

Showing a Little Leg

February 23, 2012 in Funny Stories, True Stories with 0 Comments

The other night we received an unexpected storm which dropped a very small amount of snow across parts of northeast Ohio.  Although there was only a dusting of snow, it was wet and heavy and needed to be shoveled off of the driveway, especially since my nine year old daughter had a friend coming over in the afternoon and I didn’t want them to walk on a slippery driveway.  Instead of putting on my snow pants and a heavy jacket, I decided to quickly shovel the snow…in my shorts.  I know it sounds weird but I didn’t feel like spending the next 15 minutes layering all my clothes so I just grabbed a shovel and started clearing the driveway.  As I was finishing, the friend and her mom pulled into our freshly shoveled driveway and I walked them to the front door where my wife and daughter were already waiting with the door open.  As soon as my daughter and her friend took off upstairs to play, the girl’s mom left, but my wife pulled me to the side and whispered, “Lexi is embarrassed that you were shoveling the driveway in your shorts when her friend arrived.”

What????  Since when is it a crime to shovel snow in your shorts?

Someone Stole My Debit Card!

November 2, 2011 in Funny Stories, Relationship with God, True Stories with 2 Comments

I decided to stop in at McDonalds yesterday morning to pick up a Frappe before work; however, my day suddenly took a turn for the worst as the lady at window 1 informed me that my debit card had been declined.  That seemed odd to me, especially since I had balanced my checkbook the night before and was certain that I had at least three dollars to cover the Caramel Frappe.  After paying for my order with another card (it pays to Discover), I quickly parked in the McDonalds parking lot to check my bank transactions on my phone and I soon discovered that some redneck from North Carolina (I can say that since I grew up in NC) attempted to use my card number to make several hundred dollars worth of purchases.  At first I tried to call my bank but their system was down ( yay for that), so I stopped in at the local branch as soon as they opened.  The bank teller made a phone call to the fraud department and confirmed my fears – some redneck in North Carolina tried to use my debit card number!  Thankfully, the transactions had been declined even though my number was used and I only have to go through the minor inconvenience of getting a new card.  I guess it could have been a lot worse.

After this situation had been resolved, I began to think about what would motivate someone to take something that is not their own.

…but then I remembered I do this everyday.  My life has been purchased through the blood of Christ and I no longer own it; therefore, when I take it back, I’m taking something that doesn’t belong to me.  Paul wrote these words to the church at Corinth, “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?  You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body (1 Corinthians 6:17-18, NLT).

Have you taken possession of a life that is not rightfully yours?   Maybe it’s time that you return it to the Owner.

I Was Hoping This Guy Would Fail!

August 25, 2011 in Funny Stories, Judging, Relationships, True Stories with 0 Comments

For as long as I can remember, I have had an ongoing battle with the squirrels in our backyard.  Before I say what I am going to say next, I must make it clear that I love all animals except maybe snakes, alligators, or anything that stings or has the potential to kill me in an instant.  Having said that, I find the squirrels in my backyard very annoying because they attempt to steal the seed I have specifically placed in the feeders for the birds.  In my opinion, the nuts that fall from the trees are meant for the squirrels and the seed is intended for the birds.  When I first purchased a bird-feeder, it was located very close to a tree and the squirrels would jump from the tree to the feeder and eat all the seed.  That’s where the war started.  Since the thieving squirrels began to rob the birds of their seed, I have been looking for ways to keep them away.  After tireless research, I found the perfect solution and the birds have been able to enjoy their seed without the hoarding squirrels around to loot it.

I thought the battle was over until I caught a squirrel trying to weasel himself (or herself) down to the feeder.  I was ticked.  I actually got out my phone and snapped a few pictures of the evil creature as it made its’ way down the pole.  I don’t own a gun so I use my camera.  Go figure.  My first thought was to bang my fist on the window and scare the little violator, but I decided to watch and hope for the squirrel’s demise.  I also started to videotape the incident.  It was perfect timing because I was able to personally witness and document the squirrel falling off of the bird-feeder onto the ground.  For some odd reason, I found the failure of the squirrel satisfying.  Although the squirrel incident makes me appear evil, what concerns me even more is when I hope for the demise of another person or organization.  Have you ever caught yourself secretly hoping to see someone or something fail…your boss at work, the new church in your community, your sister who gets all the attention, the president, the business competition, or the friend who seems to have everything.  Since when is it acceptable to wish evil on others?

Hoping for failure in others reveals that we have already failed.

Do you want to see the actual footage of the squirrel falling?  Click here to view.

 

Panic at the Restroom

August 5, 2011 in Funny Stories, True Stories with 0 Comments

This morning at the gym I watched the funniest thing happen.  A young girl, oblivious to the rest of the world, walked into the gym and she was texting on her phone.  She wasn’t just texting, she was in the texting zone!    There’s a big difference.  I’m sure you’ve seen those type of people…or maybe you are guilty of being in the texting zone?  Instead of beginning her workout immediately, she decided to hit the locker room first; however, as she took a step into what she thought was the women’s locker room, she quickly snapped out of the zone.  The girl looked up from her phone, stepped back out of the locker room, and checked the sign on the door.  A sigh of relief came over her as she realized that she was, in fact, in the right place – the women’s locker room.  There’s nothing like the feeling of possibly being in a place where you do not belong.

I could sympathize with her moment of uncertainty.  The other day I used the bathroom in a restaurant where they labeled the restrooms with pictures instead of words.  Some people may think that this is a great idea, but I am convinced that it is an irresponsible design element.  I’d rather plainly see “Men” or “Women” on the door instead of forcing my non-artistic mind to guess weather a cutesy little picture on the door is a man or woman.  The bathroom is not the place to mess with labels!  Luckily, I chose the right restroom solely based on the hairstyle on the label.

As I said before, there’s nothing like the feeling of possibly being in a place where you do not belong.  Before walking through the door, you had better make sure that you are headed in the right direction.

Someone Stole My Identity!

July 21, 2011 in Funny Stories, Judging, True Stories with 0 Comments

I don’t lose very many things.  I’m not referring to competition losses (I’ve lost plenty of games in my lifetime) but the loss of items or things.  Most people who know me would describe me as methodical.  Every thing has a place and should be returned to that place after use.  However, my methodical system recently failed me.  Part of the responsibility at my job is to visit individuals who are hospitalized and sometimes I need to get into areas of the hospital that are restricted to normal guests.  In order to gain access to these “restricted areas” I have a clergy badge, but the other day I arrived at the hospital in Cleveland, which is an hour drive, and could not find my clergy badge.  I spent 15 minutes searching my car but I could not find it anywhere.  I quickly called Leah and asked her if the kids had taken the badge.  They like to clip it to their clothes and sarcastically say, “Hi, I’m Pastor Tom!”  The kids had not seen it, but I had my suspicions.  I even told Leah that I rarely misplace things and that someone must have taken it in order to steal my identity!  I imagined a crazed killer like Michael Myers (from the 1980′s Halloween movies for those who are too young to remember) roaming the hospital with my clergy badge attached to his shirt in order to gain him access to his next victim.

A whole week had passed without any sign of my handy, dandy all-access badge so I finally decided that it was time to go through the entire process of obtaining a new one.  I spent time filling out the form and making copies of my ordination certificate, but then I started to get this nagging feeling that I had left it in one of my pockets.  Upon checking one of my jacket pockets this morning, guess what I discovered?  A bloody clergy badge!  Michael Myers must have used it and then planted it back in my pocket; of course, that’s a lie.  I was responsible for misplacing it.  No one else was responsible but me.  I amaze myself.  When something happens, I like to look for someone to blame.  Instead of beginning the search in me, I begin the interrogation of others.

You and I may need to stop blaming others and take a look at ourselves.  We are not as perfect as we think we are.

My Son’s Big Mistake

July 7, 2011 in Funny Stories, True Stories with 0 Comments

I love taking pictures and am a sucker for beautiful skies.  A couple weeks ago the sunset was so picturesque that I decided to pull the car over and snap a few pics before the sun went down.  Both of my kids were with me so they also hopped out of the car; however, as Ty exited the car to take pictures “just like his dad,” the iPod touch he had received for Christmas slipped out of his hand and landed face down on the road.  Fighting back the tears, he held up his iPod to show me that the screen had been completely shattered.  Pieces of the screen were falling off of the iPod onto the ground and I could see a very sad look come over Ty’s face.  As his father, I felt so bad for him.  When we got home I got online to see if there was any way that the screen could be replaced and although I found some repair kits, I wasn’t comfortable with replacing the screen myself.  As a last attempt I thought that I would see what others had done when their screens had shattered so I inquired on Facebook.  One of the responses I received said that the Apple Store had replaced an iPod with a shattered screen for free.

I had nothing to lose so I woke up early the next morning and drove Ty to the Apple Store.  Upon our arrival, I showed an employee the iPod and he set up an appointment at the Genius Bar, the place where the Apple experts dispense their knowledge of hardware, software, and all things Apple.  After a few minutes, Ty and I approached the Genius Bar and a kind girl helped us.  I think she was twelve.  She took one look at the iPod and said, “I’m sure that cannot be fixed.”  I could tell that Ty was getting nervous.  The girl did a few diagnostic tests on the iPod and then said, “As a one-time courtesy, we are going to replace it for free.”  I almost jumped out of my seat and shouted, “Amen!” or “Apple!,” or something like that.  A big smile came across Ty’s face.

We exchanged our broken and shattered iPod for a brand new one.

The exchange didn’t seem fair, but I was very grateful for it.  It was a beautiful picture of grace.

…and maybe Steve Jobs.

My Recycled Shirt

June 6, 2011 in Funny Stories, True Stories, Value with 0 Comments

I needed some new, short-sleeved shirts for the smoking hot weather we’ve been having here in Ohio, so Friday I went to the mall but quickly realized that I wasn’t going to find a bargain.  Apparently, summer sales haven’t kicked in yet or maybe I’m just cheap.  Probably the latter.  I made a stop at our local Salvation Army where I was able to pick up a shirt for under five bucks.  They even threw in a disco ball.  Later in the day my wife swung by Goodwill and bought me another shirt for $2.49.  I loved the shirt she purchased but Leah told me one of the buttons was falling off and that she would need to sew it on later.  While she was out yesterday afternoon I decided to test my sewing skills by using a needle and thread to secure the button on the shirt.  I’m pleased to announce that I did it!  I’m a natural seamstress (or seamster).  A fastened button, run through the washing machine, and ironing the shirt made it look brand new.  A shirt abandoned by one was given new life by another.

Just because someone or something has a scar or defect doesn’t mean it is unusable.  Oftentimes the most beautiful things are those which have found new life through the eyes of the beholder.

“Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins.  You used to live in sin,  just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world.  He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else.  But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)  For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus.  God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago” (Ephesians 2:1-10, NLT).

Anyone Else Hate Delays?

June 2, 2011 in Fear, Funny Stories, True Stories with 0 Comments

A couple weeks ago I was stopped at a red light and I noticed that the car in front of me was identical to the second car I drove while in high school and college.  I shared the car with my younger brother, Tim, and it was a red Chevy Beretta with a manual transmission.  I hadn’t had that much experience driving a “stick-shift” unless you count the time my friend, Robby, tried to teach me to drive his ancient, powersteering-less car in the church parking lot.  Other than that, I had no road experience.  Rather than easing me into driving the Beretta, my dad told me to get into the driver’s seat and take him on a ride through the crowded streets of Charlotte, NC.  After a few minutes I began to get the hang of it even though starting and stopping was difficult.  My dad is a patient guy and coached me through the whole process; however, the worst part was yet to come.  Anyone who has ever driven a car with manual transmission knows that starting out on a hill is very complicated.  If you do not perfectly sync releasing the clutch and pushing the gas, there is a good chance that you could roll back into the car behind you.  In order for me to practice, my dad took me to what seemed like the steepest hill in Charlotte – the intersection of Margaret Wallace Road and Independence Blvd.  It was cruel of him, but if I could learn to start out on this hill I would be able to start out on any hill.  Sure.  I stalled out a few times, but I didn’t give up.  I cranked the car back up each time I stalled and kept trying until I got it.  If I would have quit trying, I would have had to face the hill again.  It was unavoidable since I drove on this road every day.

Delaying what you fear only prolongs the inevitable.  ”For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7).

This Stopped Traffic!

June 1, 2011 in Character, Funny Stories, Leadership, Loving Others, True Stories with 0 Comments

I try my best not to speed.  Some of you may not believe me, but it’s true.  Typically, I exceed the speed limit by not paying attention; however, I was thankful that I was paying attention this past Sunday afternoon while traveling south on Interstate 77.  Several cars in front of me began slamming on their brakes, so I automatically assumed that there was an accident or some type of road construction.  Wrong and wrong.  I slowed to almost a stop and then I saw what was happening.  A short, little lady had pulled her car over to the side of the road and she was basically stopping traffic in the very right hand lane.  Why?  Had she run someone over with her car?  Did she hit a deer?  Did one of her tires blow out?  The answer is…none of the above.  Apparently, there was a medium size turtle making an attempt to cross the crowded highway and this “good Samaritan” was risking life and limb to make sure that the turtle was safe.  Raise your hand if you would actually stop your car on the highway and help  a turtle make it across safely.  I would not.  I would think to myself, “Someone else will stop.”

The problem is that no one else will probably stop.  Everyone thinks that it is someone else’s responsibility.  When was the last time you saw a piece of trash on the ground and picked it up, even though you knew it was not yours?  When was the last time you willingly volunteered in the over-crowded nursery in your church, even though it wasn’t your scheduled week?  When was the last time you helped a busy neighbor finish a project, even though there was no personal benefit to you?

There are already enough spectators in our world.  The world needs people willing to serve, even when it is not their responsibility.  ”Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith” (Galatians 6:10, NLT).

What would you be willing to save even if you had to stop traffic?

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