June 23, 2009 in
Funny Stories, Life, Relationship with God, True Stories with
“I swear! People are so lazy these days!” These are the words which crossed my mind as I patiently awaited for a “good for nothing employee” to open the bay door so I could get my oil changed at our local lube station. My kids were in the back seat starting to fight so it became even more imperative for whoever was taking an extended smoking break out back to take their last puff and serve the customers. Finally, an employee took his sweet time walking over to my car, so I rolled the window down and put on my best pastoral smile. “How’s it going,” I asked. “Good,” said the young employee. He continued, “I just wanted to let you know that the oil change station closed an hour ago.” About the same time, my eye caught the big sign with the hours posted right in front of my face and sure enough, he was right. Even worse was the fact that I had to reverse my car (because the bay door was already locked) to take the drive of shame as, I’m sure, all the employees were pointing and laughing at the idiot who can’t read the hours sign.
I wasted so much time waiting when the answer was right there. Life seems to work so much better when a person stays alert to those things which are already revealed.
What things are obvious, yet being ignored in your life?
June 21, 2009 in
Funny Stories, Loving Others, Relationships, True Stories with
I was waiting patiently in the closet directly outside of the bathroom in the house where I grew up. The only audible noises were the sounds of me breathing and someone occupying the bathroom. Suddenly, the bathroom door swung open leaving me with a brief window of time to attack the person exiting. Not wanting to miss the perfect chance, I sprung from the closet and screamed as loud as I knew how finding myself face to face with the occupant…my dad. Uncharacteristically, a look of fear came across his face as he jumped back two or three steps before he realized that his “attacker” was none other than his eldest son, me. There was really nothing to fear about my five foot four, ninety-nine pound body frame, but the element of surprise was enough to scare the fear of God into him. In a house with three teenage sons, my mom and dad were constantly dealing with the cool factor and part of being cool was having the ability to scare the mess out of each other. Hiding in closets, under beds, and in dark rooms to find our next victim was common place in our home; however, scaring dad was next to impossible…until my great victory. I began laughing uncontrollably and pointing my finger in his face while gloating about the look of fear on his face. Instead of laughing along, he simply looked at me and said, “It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, it may not be next week, but I WILL get you back” and then he walked away. My laughing immediately turned to panic because I knew that my dad never lies. I spent the next few days watching my back and living in constant fear until I eventually thought he had forgotten. He hadn’t.
Since I was a teenager working at our local grocery store, my boss usually scheduled me to work the closing shift which landed me home around 11:00pm or after. I stepped out of my rockin’, red Chevy Beretta and made my way to the front door of our house, but as I fumbled for my keys to unlock the door, I heard a slight rustling in the bushes. Before I could reach for my mace (just kidding), a giant man came pouncing out of the bushes screaming “Rooooooooooooooooooar!” Without thinking, I jumped off the porch and began running (in mid-air) toward the street screaming like a little girl, that is, until I heard my dad laughing uncontrollably.
Expect your actions toward others to be repeated on you also.
“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you… (Matthew 7:12). When Jesus spoke these words, He was revealing the importance of treating others the way you want to be treated. Want love? Show love. Want respect? Show respect. Want attention? Show attention.
So, if you feel as if everyone is treating you badly, you might want to change the way you are treating them.
What was I writing almost a year ago? Find out by clicking here.
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June 18, 2009 in
Funny Stories, Loving Others, Relationships, Tragedy, Trials, True Stories with
I cried. I admit that it’s been a while since I’ve let the tears flow, but I just could not hold them back. What was it that caused this grown man cry? Kris Allen winning American Idol provoked emotions in me which I had not felt in some time. Before I continue, I know what you’re thinking…what a wimp! Yeah, you’re right. I would be a wimp, but I am lying. I didn’t cry when Kris Allen won American Idol, but I did shed a few tears when I was in the shower the other day and shampoo got in my eyes. I’m not even sure how it occurred, considering I wash my hair every day, but I must have haphazardly slapped the shampoo on my hair causing it to seep into my eyes. Oh my word! I forgot how much it hurts to get that stuff in your eyes. For a brief second I thought about rushing to the emergency care center near our house so they could flush my eyes out with something, anything…but I figured they would just laugh at my expense. For the rest of the day my eyes were stinging and watering, but the irritation eventually subsided. Who in the world invented such potent shampoo and shouldn’t there be a massive warning label plastered on the front saying, “WARNING: May Burn Eyes Out of Head!”?
A little later in the day I remembered an incident last year when we had run out of the “tear free” shampoo for the kids and I had to make them use “big boy and big girl” shampoo. I thought my presentation about the shampoo being something big kids would use would convince them to use it. I was right. Inevitably, they both got shampoo in their eyes and made a big drama out of it. I remember saying to each of them, “It doesn’t hurt that bad. Quit being a baby!”
I find it very easy to judge someone whenever I haven’t experienced what they’re experiencing or when I’ve forgotten how it feels to be in their predicament. Saying things such as, “Forget about it” or “Get over it” or “Just move on” or “You’re acting immature” are unfair statements, especially when you haven’t attempted to identify with their feelings. A good rule to remember is this: If you can empathize (know by experience), share your story; if you can only sympathize (know by knowledge), keep your mouth shut and just listen.
What was I writing one year ago? Click here to read an old-school post.
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Monday – No Hamster Dance for Us!
Tuesday – The Intruder in Our House
June 16, 2009 in
Anger, Funny Stories, Judging, Relationships, True Stories with
I was minding my own business last night. My kids were in bed. My wife was watching a crime drama downstairs (hopefully not one about a wife murdering her husband while he is asleep) and I was zoning in and out of consciousness in the bed upstairs while also watching some television. As you can tell, Leah and I have very distinct TV viewing habits. She likes shows where people die and I like shows where animals are given life! I can’t even remember what I was watching, but out of the corner of my eye I detected some quick movement. For whatever reason, I immediately went from oblivious mode to ninja mode (I think I pulled a muscle) by jumping out of the bed and toward whatever had moved. Instead of the object of movement being a crime drama crazed wife or an intruder, I discovered that a white moth had entered one of the doors of our house, which was probably left open by one of our non-energy conscious kids. I guess they are trying to do their part in the fight against global warming by letting all the cool air in our house outside into the atmosphere. Al Gore would be proud.
After getting a handle on my surroundings, I realized that I had overreacted. Rather than rapidly going on the offensive against an “unidentified object,” I should have been slow to counter. Many conflicts could be avoided if people would show restraint and examine all the facts before responding.
Have you gone on the offensive against someone or something without first exploring the whole truth?
RIP – the moth
June 15, 2009 in
Funny Stories, Leadership, Wisdom with
I immediately knew there was some kind of problem when I drove onto the street we live on and my wife was standing in the neighbor’s yard with our two kids. With the wag of her finger, she motioned for me to pull over and she approached my car window holding a…rodent. It was crawling through her hands and up her arm, but my son and daughter would not get near the unfamiliar character. “Can we get a hamster?” she asked. As the leader of my home I said, “No.” “Oh, but it’s so cute and I want one,” my wife of twelve years responded to my negative answer. I just shook my head while driving away. The only hamster that would ever make it in my house is Rhino from the movie Bolt. He was an insanely cool hamster!
When I arrived home, I decided that I had made a decision in haste, especially since I’ve never owned one. Hold on, I think my brother, Todd, was a hamster owner when we were growing up, but I’m certain his irresponsibility has that hamster still aimlessly wandering around Charlotte, NC. Since I have no personal experience with hamsters, I posted a little status on Twitter and Facebook that read like this, “My wife is trying to talk me into getting a hamster. What is your advice? Anyone have one?” Within a few hours, I received several comments providing advice and input about our hamster dilemma…most of them were thumbs down for the hamster.
Although the hamster situation is minimal in comparison to the many decisions we make each day, I believe it is important for a person to seek wisdom from those who have life experience in certain circumstances – they can often offer a unique perspective. Frustrated parents trying to raise their kids need to talk with those who have already done it. Those who are new in their faith need the nurturing from others who have walked the path already. A confused employee needs guidance from his boss. A marriage on the rocks needs the compassion of those who have been there before.
Who do you need to talk with today?
May 28, 2009 in
Funny Stories, Trials, True Stories with
Prior to my trip to Boston, MA last year (2008) I had to have a root canal and sadly, it is not the first one I’ve ever had during my three and a half decades of living; however, one thing about my procedure was new – I received a numbing shot in the roof of my mouth near the violating tooth. I would describe my pain tolerance at a 4-6 on a scale of 10 (child birth being a 10 and pulling nose hair being a 1), but this shot was one of the most painful things I’ve ever had in my life! The dentist, or whatever they call people who perform root canals, had already given me a couple shots in my gum…no big deal, but when he poked that wicked, sharp needle into the roof of my mouth I had to choke back the tears. He gave no warning, no pep talk, no teddy bear for me to hold. Of course, the female dental assistant walked in following the shot, so I had to try to quickly wipe the tears from my eyes because a man crying in the dentist chair equals wuss. Eventually, the pain subsided and the procedure was completed without further complication.
A few weeks ago, my wife found out that she had to have a root canal due to a Hubba Bubba incident in her mouth. It’s a long story. As her procedure moved closer, she asked me if my root canal hurt. Painful memories flooded my soul and I said, “It wasn’t that bad, except for the shot in the roof of my mouth.” “Are you serious?” she said. I was. It hurt really bad and I didn’t want her to be blind-sided. Instead of continuing the conversation, I left it there and she told me this morning that my warning had been bothering her for the last week. I was quick to say, “It only hurt for a couple minutes and then everything was fine. I made it through.” Although the pain was real, I reminded myself that it was only temporary and I needed to remind my wife of this also. My painful circumstance can eventually be used to bring comfort to others.
I am reminded of Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, “All praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” The process of pain is this – God comforts us in times of hardship so that we can also bring comfort to those who are hurting.
April 10, 2009 in
Funny Stories, True Stories with
Before leaving work yesterday, I received two e-mails regarding supposed bids we had placed through our eBay account. The first e-mail stated that we had lost the Star Wars light saber auction, but suggested other items similar in nature which could be bid on now. I just assumed my wife was bidding on the item for my eight year old son, who happened to be home from school yesterday because he was sick. The second e-mail stated that our bid for a Star Wars book had been confirmed, but that we may want to increase our maximum bid in order to assure success. When I arrived home I asked my wife if she had been bidding on Star Wars memorabilia for Ty today, but when she gave me a confused look I knew something was fishy. Ty happened to be sitting nearby during my inquiry and he suddenly looked away. Without notice, tears started flowing when he realized he had done something wrong. I don’t think he fully understood what he was doing, but he had been smart enough to enter a maximum bid. Later he told us that he just read and followed the directions – stupid school teachers teaching my kids to read and follow directions! Since the bid was only $5.95, I wasn’t overly concerned about the item but thought we should contact the seller and see if he/she might be understanding enough to retract the bid.
A few hours later we received this response: “I am sorry but since there is less than 12 hours left on the auction there is no way to retract the bid. Sorry but the deal would be binding. I could offer advice but not my job. I will send and invoice to you when the auction goes off. PS we have a password so our kids cannot even get on without our knowledge have you ever considered one? Thought it might help to suggest in the meantime. I feel for you but it is not my fault. Thanks for understanding.”
No. Thank you for the lecture! I guess Leah and I won’t get our hopes up for winning a “Parent of the Year” award.
Note to Self: Please remove automatic logins from computer.
November 19, 2008 in
Funny Stories, True Stories with
Last night I was being a good husband, so I went down to the basement to put laundry in the washing machine. I turned on the light, set the laundry basket on the floor, and opened the lid to the washer. As soon as I did this, I saw something scampering up one of the pipes on the wall and it proceeded across the water pipe on the ceiling. I’ll give you three guesses as to what this was…and the first two don’t count. Unfortunately, the mouse was not that agile so it lost its footing halfway through its fearful escape. If things happened normally in our family, this mouse would have dropped to the floor and escaped into a hole. Instead, when the fugitive mouse lost his (or her) footing, it fell right into the washing machine. Unfortunately, I had not turned it on yet so there was no chance of a drowning taking place. I quickly rushed to the machine in time to see the mouse climb up the wall and drop itself behind the tub of the washer. This meant the mouse was still inside. About this time my wife comes downstairs and I tell her that she might want to leave. Then an evil part in me, which didn’t remember the emotional scenes of Ratatouille (I had to look up the spelling on that one), decided to put the washer in a fast spin cycle. No luck. The mouse remained. My next strategy was to begin shaking the washing machine which resulted in nothing more than my back hurting. I saw a tennis racket nearby so I grabbed it and threw open the lid hoping that the fugitive would stick its furry, little head out so the score would be 15-Love. No luck on that one either. It was late and I didn’t feel like taking the washer apart so as far as I know, the mouse is still hunkered down in our washing machine. You might be saying, “Why didn’t you just leave the lid up and let the mouse crawl out overnight?” Good question. I need to know FOR SURE if the mouse is still in there or not. Simply hoping that the mouse crawls out would leave uncertainty in my mind and every time I wear my clothes I would wonder if the mouse is still in there.
Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” I am looking for your help in getting this mouse out of my washing machine.
Any advice for me?
November 10, 2008 in
Determination, Failure, Funny Stories, Life, Motivation, Sin, Spiritual Disciplines, Temptation, Transformation, True Stories with
Many moons ago, I used to be quite a bit skinner than I am now. Over the last several months I have come across some “old pictures” and willingly admit that there has been a definite change in my weight. I always laugh it off and chalk it up to getting older and my fast-paced lifestyle. If I can be transparent for a minute, I really would like to shed a few of those extra pounds because I know that maintaining a healthy weight will contribute to my overall quality of life. There have even been a couple times over the last several years that I have actually taken steps to lose weight; however, each time I find myself slipping right back into bad habits. So, I decided to contact Richard Simmons and he has agreed to be my personal trainer for the next six months. Just kidding. I know you would have been jealous. I’ve asked myself over and over, “why can’t I change this evident problem?” Each time I arrive at numerous conclusions about my repeated failures. First, I have deceived myself into thinking I am fine especially when I compare myself to others. Secondly, I believe I can handle things on my own without the help of others. Last, I know I will just fail again. These excuses are deja vu because they are the same ones we use concerning spiritual transformation. We think everything is fine the way it is. We don’t want to admit our helplessness to God or even enlist others to support us in our spiritual journey. We quit trying to change because we are certain of looming failure right around the corner. What causes us to buy into these lies? Wrong thinking. If God’s Word shapes our thinking, we will stop comparing ourselves to others and God will be our example for living. God’s Word will then expose our helplessness and drive us to our knees in prayer. This recognition will also cause us to be transparent with others and ask for their accountability in our daily attitudes and actions. The last lie is a little more complicated to defeat because failure is a constant struggle for the follower of Christ. Although failure is inevitable, we should never give up or retreat. We must be brave enough to face these struggles head on and depend on God to provide the strength for us to endure. Maybe you have quit trying to change because of so many failed attempts. Pick up the pieces and start again. The writer in Proverbs reminds us that “a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again…” (Proverbs 24:16).
October 6, 2008 in
Funny Stories, True Stories with
For those of you who may not know, The Summit meets weekly in a movie theater. Our service begins at 10:15am and usually ends promptly by 11:15am. While we are gathering in theater 6, the Regal employees are arriving to do the preliminaries such as making popcorn and making sure each theater is ready for its first showing around noon. Today I learned that their morning checklist also involves turning on the music in each of their eighteen theaters, including the one in which we have been meeting for the past five weeks. Right in the introduction of my message I heard this music in the background…at first I thought our media guys were messing things up, but since they never make mistakes I quickly realized that the annoying country music now being heard by everyone was coming from the theater house system. I’m not sure if it was Waylon Jennings, Merle Haggard, or Willie Nelson but their words were now getting more attention than mine. What was I supposed to do? Since I’ve never taken line dancing lessons, putting on boots and a cowboy hat while shuffling to the music were definitely out of the question! Oh well. Life goes on even when crazy stuff happens in your worship service.
